Self care and modelling self care is important. I’m struggling with this. Having experienced a first failure to thrive baby who had reflux I’m re-learning that every cry is not a “red alert”. That it is ok to finish that last bite, drink water, take a shower. I was stuck in that mode, dropping everything to care for the children and soon seeing 3 pm pass by without a morsel or drop of water. Seeing 14 days pass without a good clean….
I’ve learned that children (and husbands) will unknowingly chew you up and spit you out. Gently draw boundaries, don’t let them. Even if the children rail at the boundaries you are worth basic needs, you are worthless to your children and family if they cannot provide space for your basic needs. After a few years of giving too much, sleeping the same hours in a day over a week, I can guarantee they won’t like it when you assert yourself and say “enough”. Keep your boundaries. It’s hard when your heart is this deeply intertwined. When the parenting community says you should always give more and never let your babies cry, ever, even if it causes you to waste away, they are mad. You are enough, you deserve at the very least, adequate survival. Coffee only does so much, my friend. Take it. Your family will thank you because your mood will lift, you will have energy. Fun can happen without being exhausting. Start today. Make a plan. Set yourself alarms to eat. Even if you have to make the children safe and lock yourself away with earplugs to do so. Basic. Needs. It’s basic and so very difficult. I wish you luck and a brighter experience WITH your family.